Funeral celebrant: honoring the deceased, supporting the bereaved, celebrating the love

When I mention to people that I'm a funeral celebrant, they often reply, "Your job must be emotionally difficult..." Yes, accompanying people through death and grief certainly requires a great deal of presence, and it's not always easy. But it's definitely a role in which I feel deeply comfortable.

I explain in more detail in my welcome article how this profession unexpectedly entered my life. But the more I practice it, the more I realize that being a funeral celebrant doesn't require me to force myself to be someone else. I present myself as I am, with calm, sensitivity, and respect, at the service of families going through a difficult time. I truly feel privileged to do what I do.

What I actually do as a funeral celebrant

My role as a funeral celebrant is not limited to the ceremony itself . My work begins well before, from the moment I am contacted because a tribute is desired for a deceased person. I first offer a preparatory meeting, which can take place by phone, video call, or in person.

Before this meeting, I send out a questionnaire. It allows family members to reflect together on their loved one, but also to determine what they would like to experience during the ceremony: music, testimonials, readings, rituals, atmosphere...

During our meeting, I support families with presence and gentleness. I reassure them, I help them bring order to what they wish to hear or what they are not yet able to name. I get to know the deceased through the sharing of their loved ones. They are the ones who guide me. I listen attentively to their way of speaking, their expressions, and their memories. I take many notes, and I like to use their words verbatim when crafting the ceremony, because they are so full of meaning.

Following this meeting, I prepare the entire ceremony, from beginning to end. I stay in touch with the family to ensure that what is proposed reflects their wishes and suits them. On the day of the ceremony, I arrive early. I take the time to check the final details with the family members, but also to ask how they are doing, during this often emotionally charged time when condolences are being offered one after another.

During the ceremony, I offer support through my presence, stability, and kindness. I maintain a calm atmosphere when emotions are intense and allow for silence when needed. I guide the words, the rhythm, and the structure, enabling those present to settle in and fully experience this moment. I always approach this work with deep respect, gratitude, and humility.

I also provide support afterwards, offering continuity through bereavement support when people feel the need for it.

Collective memorial ceremony: accompanying life, death and mourning with gentleness

A secular and personalized approach to funeral ceremonies

Every family is different. Every bereavement is unique. That's why every ceremony I create is entirely personalized. I adapt to the family's wishes and what feels right for them. Together, we can choose to build something very simple, or something more elaborate.

Some families are very involved: they want to share many memories, read texts, give testimonials, or participate in symbolic rituals. Others prefer to let me personalize and do all the talking during the ceremony.

I have also had the experience of a person with training in rituals writing the entire text themselves and simply asking me to be there to carry out the ceremony, so that they could fully experience it from the perspective of the bereaved rather than guiding it.

I have my own beliefs about the transition, but I keep them to myself and don't impose anything on anyone. I always work in the families' direction. We talk together about their values and beliefs, so that the words used reflect them and fully respect them.

The emotional aspect of my work

I am a highly sensitive person, and I deeply believe that this sensitivity is a strength in my work. It allows me to listen and sense what is happening in the space in order to adjust my presence and my words according to what is there in the moment.

In my work, I am often moved. By the beauty of relationships . By the love that transcends death. By the solidarity among the living in times of hardship. And sometimes also, by the immense pain that manifests itself, especially when an entire community is deeply affected by a death.

But this heightened sensitivity also requires me to set clear boundaries. As much as I would like to alleviate the suffering of the people I support, my role is not to feel for them, nor to carry their pain. My role is to create a space that is safe and stable enough for them to feel and express their emotions in their own way, if they so wish.

Over time, I've learned to distinguish between being touched and being overwhelmed. To be fully present, without losing myself. To hold the space when emotions are intense, without trying to contain or direct them. Nurturing this balance is an integral part of my practice, and it's essential for me to continue providing support with sensitivity and compassion.

Who are my services for?

I support bereaved families in the Laurentians region who wish to do things their own way. I also regularly collaborate with the Roland Ménard funeral home in Lachute, with whom I share a humane and respectful approach to supporting bereaved families.

My approach is aimed at those who:

• do not fully identify with a traditional religious framework, but desire something equally sacred and respectful;

• want a personalized ceremony to honor their loved one, whether simple or elaborate;

• don't yet know exactly what they want, but feel they need to be accompanied;

• are looking for a stable, gentle and human presence to help get through this time.

  
  

My approach isn't for everyone, and that's okay. The most important thing for me is that families feel welcomed, supported, and that they trust me. I always adapt to the pace of the people I'm working with, gently, without forcing or judging them.

If you feel that what I offer resonates with what you're going through, I encourage you to contact me. Even if you don't know exactly what you want. We'll take the time to talk about it, simply.

And if anything in this article touched you or prompted you to reflect, I invite you to share your impressions in the comments, it will be a pleasure to connect with you in this way!

With compassion,

Laurence SF Phare

Funeral celebrant & bereavement companion